The End of Fear and Loathing...
And so it has been that for several years - maybe as long as I can remember, actually - I have loathed my body. That was today's revelation/moment of honesty. Particularly in a "why me?" sort of fashion. I've always felt relatively athletic; more than capable of holding my own in any physical activity or endeavor I was challenged with. And yet, my body never resembled that of an athlete, which always left me feeling insufficient and misrepresented.
I remember the very first yoga class that I went to a little over 10 yrs ago. I had been training with a friend who was certified, street running 4 miles in the morning, 4 at night, and alternating upper and lower body strength training 6 days a week at the gym. I had platued, even while leg pressing nearly 600 lbs for 3 sets of 15 (yes, you read that correctly). I was no longer getting sore, or breaking a sweat. I was a freaking Spartan. She suggested that we try a yoga class to mix up the program I had adhered to for 9 months straight. I was excited to try yoga. I had been curious about it for a long time, but feared they would take one look at me and ask me to dismiss myself from class for not having a yoga-like body. Yes, that fear was contrived, but it was also very real to me. I know what other people see when they look at me, and their first thought is probably not athletic.
Today I made peace with my body, and thanked it for being awesome. My body is so intelligent and responsive that I could survive any famine, nuclear event or zombie apocalypse that might come my way. My body adapts quickly, and therefore doesn't always respond to changes I make in the desired fashion, in the desired amount of time (e.g., I only lost 15 lbs during that 9 months of intense training, but I was "strong like ox" and felt fitter than ever).
So, with that in mind, I'm giving myself the green light to change things up when necessary (something I've, oddly enough, never allowed myself to do before). I ran yesterday, I rowed this morning and I biked this evening. I don't have to be the best at any of those things and I don't have to do them all every day (yes, I struggle with that), I just have to do them and keep changing what I'm doing to keep my body from adapting so quickly to a new routine. I'm not giving less than 100% if I choose to do Ashtanga yoga tomorrow instead of running. I'm accepting a new challenge, stimulating my body and my mind in a new way, which is healthy and necessary for growth.
This 90 Day Challenge is about more than getting fit, or losing weight to me; It's about acknowledging and respecting myself and not longing to be something I'm not. I just need to be the best me that I can be. That is all that is required of me. The rest will fall into line eventually. Yup, I just rhymed unintentionally.
To find out more about the 90 Day Challenge, you can email me or visit my site here: http://selenaburke.myvi.net/
Warmth & light,
Selena
No comments:
Post a Comment