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Over the past couple of weeks, people have been asking me if I changed my hair, was trying new makeup, or a new wellness routine. I giggle inside as people look me up and down, wide eyed, trying to pin point what is different about me. Words like “glowing”, “vibrant”, “happy”and “healthy” have been used with frequency to describe the mysterious change others are witnessing. On more than one occasion I have been stopped by complete strangers who felt the unction to compliment me.
Joy. That’s all that has changed. I am filled with a joy that is more intense than any stormy weather life could bring my way. My change, my transcendence to this new place of light and love was born out of an experience that pushed me to the brink. My mind was overrun with the details of what I was going through and reached it’s capacity quite suddenly, and then froze. It was in that moment that a fracture occurred between my mind and my life force and I was immediately moved into a place of clarity like I have never experienced before. A knowing came upon me, a moment of clarity that revealed that it was alone my decision to either suffer the mental torment of a situation that I had no reasonable control over without sacrificing myself, or to acknowledge and release those experiences in to the universe so that I could move into a place of peace and love. I chose to follow the light, realizing that my mind/ego would only keep me trapped in a cycle that would ultimately lead to my spiritual death.
There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is brought about by external factors and is ultimately fleeting. As soon as your situation moves in an undesirable direction, the happiness you experienced is gone and your pain and discomfort is once again palpable. Joy, on the other hand, comes from within and can only be realized through an acceptance that you are not your mind, that your mind is only a tool to be used by the essence of who you are. An understanding that every moment is just as it should be (no matter the labels that the mind undoubtedly tries to apply), and that we are all one…we are not separate from one another as our minds would have us believe. There is no you against me, there is only an us. We are one divine and eternal life force connected to the heavens and the earth. We are in this together, but until humanity learns to control the mind that labels and separates, we will continue on a path of wars, upheaval, and persecution that sustains a tearing apart. My brother posed a question to me last week when I was discussing with him the beauty of this new place I am in: “Selena, having the joy that you have now and knowing the presence of love from all that is and will ever be, would it matter if you were kidnapped and tortured to your death? Would it change what your spirit knows, and the oneness that you feel?” I answered, “No, because I am one with this universe, with those who kidnap and torture me and every moment is just as it should be in this dance of life eternal. I know love and joy and peace and those can never be involuntarily taken from me.”
I have been reborn.
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